A Broken Quill
by KatherineLynn
Summary: When Kate loses someone close to her, and it looks suspiciously familiar, Castle has to make a choice. Will he tell her about the man that he's been keeping her away from her mother's murder? If her life is the line, will he tell her?
1. Boundaries

Chapter One: Boundaries.

Kate Beckett was in serious trouble. Stubborn as she was, she could never admit the previous statement unless she was absolutely sure. _So, _she thought again, _I am in serious trouble._

"Beckett?" Castle's voice brought her back to reality; the precinct, the smell of stale coffee, old paper, and the faint tang of Castle's cologne. "You okay?" His blue eyes were concerned, but Beckett could see the undercurrent of adoration in them. She gave him a small nod, and as he turned his eyes to his phone, she let her gaze wander.

She drank him in, from the playful quirk of his mouth, to his perfectly crisp navy blue shirt, to his gunmetal grey jacket and pants, down to his tasteful shoes and back up, all the way to the slope of his nose to his gently tousled hair. His fingers fiddled with the phone in front of him, probably playing Angry Birds, and Beckett's hand twitched with the undesirable urge to be that phone.

"You're staring at me," he observed casually, his eyes on the screen. "You're right. It is creepy."

Beckett blushed magnificently, and Castle struggled not to smile. "Fine, then I won't tell you that you have something on your face," she replied teasingly.

His hand flew to his cheek. "Where?" He asked, alarmed. Beckett, blush officially banished, reached up her right hand and lightly brushed an eyelash off his cheekbone. Her hand lingered there, caressing the vague stubble on his jaw, her traitorous heart thundering in her chest.

"Kate," his voice was low, barely over a whisper. Her eyes lowered involuntarily to his lips; she was dangerously close to the precipice of doing something incredibly stupid, and the sheer inevitability of it almost floored her. Her eyelashes fluttered, and she met his eyes again. She felt something closing in on her throat, the background noise of the precinct fading away. His hand caught hers, and there were those torturous circles on the top of her hand again, maddeningly slow, deliciously so. Her eyes flickered down to their joined hands and returned almost immediately to his fathomless eyes. She opened her mouth to speak –

And the phone rang, jarring the both of them from their cloud. Beckett reached for her phone, leaving one of her shaking hands next to Castle's. "Beckett," she choked out. The color slowly drained from her flushed face as she listened, and the hand next to Castle's tightened into a fist. "You're sure." It was not a question, but a forced statement, through her teeth. "Be right there." The phone was not placed down, but slammed. It lay there, silent in its cradle, as if it would never dare to ring again.

Castle watched her head drop to her hands, fingers tangled in her hair. He counted slowly to ten before he dared speak. "Beckett?" he asked tentatively.

He saw her stiffen, her hands still shaking. "Go home, Castle," she answered, her voice strained.

"Beckett, please tell me what happened."

Her head did not rise. "Go home, Castle. Now."

Finally, he sighed. "No." She exhaled through her teeth, and inhaled sharply, as if she was in pain.

"_Go home, or you won't come back," _she snapped.

He leaned back in his chair, shocked. She never threatened their partnership like that, at least not lately. He thought she had seen him as indispensable now, that she wanted him by her side, if not for entertainment, then for some deeper reason that made him too nervous and giddy to even think about. It seemed the boundaries, the ones they had stepped over just a few moments before, had been redrawn, and precious ground he had gained was gone. He sighed heavily, an ache in his chest, and stood. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, and withdrew it when she jumped.

"You know you can tell me anything."

She stayed silent.

He nodded, unsurprised. "Call me later."

"Victim, Josh Davidson, age 31, COD, single gunshot wound to the head," Lanie, mercifully, kept Josh's face covered, but his skin was so white, tinged with blue, and the blood under his head so red that Beckett could barely stop the bile that was rising in her throat.

Lanie paused. "Honey, do you need a moment?" Ryan and Esposito, off processing the scene and searching for security cameras, respectfully kept their distance. Beckett shook her head, swallowing past the hysteria in her throat. "Where's Castle? I find it hard to believe he would let you come here alone."

Finally she spoke, and her voice was monotonous, unfeeling. "I sent him home." Lanie's hand stopped moving on her clipboard. "Don't say a word."

The reply was quiet and curt. "I should smack you."

Beckett kneeled by the body, checking for anything out of the ordinary. "I couldn't have him here," she explained quietly. "Not like this."

Lanie nodded like she understood, but Beckett knew she didn't. She could not have Castle here, not because she was afraid he would see her as the mess she was, but because she was afraid of what her reaction to him would be, especially after what she had done this morning. She had blurred those boundary lines almost beyond recognition, and she was afraid of what comfort she might seek, comfort she would regret later. She was even more afraid of pushing him even farther away than she already had.

Lanie passed her clipboard to Alexis, who kept her eyes averted from the detective. Beckett looked away, feeling tears sting her eyes. Her relationship with Josh, though over, had not been a bad one. Their breakup had been amicable enough, and they had kept in general contact. She had spoken to him just a few nights ago, about his latest trip to Haiti. There was one small detail, one that even Lanie did not want to point out, that was stabbing her in the heart.

Josh's dead body was lying in the same alley where her mother was killed. Just bringing the thought to the forefront of her brain cut off the ability to breathe, and she found herself rooted to the ground as thought after terrifying thought battered her senseless.

Josh is dead.

In this same alley.

Where her mother died.

Oh God, her mother is dead.

Why is she here?

Where's Castle?

"No prints, no security tapes, no nothing," Esposito spat, shoving his notebook into his pocket. "No one saw a thing."

Ryan, ever-helpful, added, "This is beginning to look more and more like a professional hit."

Beckett didn't even blink. She gave her boys a brief nod and went back to her car, calling back to Lanie that she would meet her at the station, and sped off. The tears came fast and hot on her cheeks, dripping off her chin onto her lap as she drove. She dried her eyes on her sleeve, fixed her hair, and entered the bullpen dry eyed and stone faced.

And came to a screeching halt.

Castle was beside her desk, leaving a note by a huge cup of coffee. He looked up, his eyes finding hers like a magnet, and he looked shamed.

"I thought I told you to go home," she said quietly.

He looked down at his shoes. "Alexis called me. I was just leaving you coffee and a note," he held it out to her, and she took it carefully.

"_You can always talk to me if you need to. Always." _

Tears welled up in her eyes, and she pushed it back, keeping her eyes on the note. "Thank you Castle, but I can handle this on my own."

"I never said you couldn't," her eyes, misty or not, slammed up to his, and he gave her a soft smile. "I'm just saying you don't have to."

She could see it again, the 'I love you' shining just below the surface of his eyes, and she felt the words in her throat again. But she couldn't say it, not here, not now, and probably not ever. She broke the eye contact and grabbed the coffee he left her, and glanced back up, looking for strength in his eyes. Heaving a breath, she closed her eyes and called for Esposito.

"Pull my mother's murder file," she said quietly. "Be silent about it."

"Got it."

Castle's mouth was open. "Wait, what is this about?"

"Just a hunch," she turned to Ryan, who looked as awestruck as Castle. "Bring me phone records, financials, job schedule, everything. Now."

A shrill siren made her flinch, and she glared at Castle, who gave her an apologetic look while pulling out his phone. It was restricted. He had expected this call.

"Hello?"

"Make her stop," the man, the one who was trying to keep Beckett safe, or at least that's what he claimed, was calling to take a toll on his patience and sanity again. "Make her stop, or she will die."

"I can't make her stop, this was her ex-boyfriend," he whispered fiercely. "Whoever these people are must be slipping up, because they're leading her right back to her mother's case." He turned his back to the bullpen, and cupped his hand over the speaker. "What is going on here? Why won't they just leave her alone?"

The man's voice lost all emotion. "Do you want to keep her safe?"

Castle didn't even hesitate. "Of course."

"Then make her stop, or I promise you, she will die. Good day, Mr. Castle."

"Wait!" he called, and glanced over his shoulder, and gave Beckett a 'nothing's wrong' look. "Look, I have money, I have influence. What do you want? I'll do anything."

The man was stern, unrelenting. "Then keep her away from this case."

The phone went dead, Castle looked up into the eyes of Katherine Beckett, and was at a loss. What could he possibly do? Lie to her again, continuously, until she found him out and left him forever? Or tell her the truth, and put the crosshairs on her again. His mind brought up the feeling of Beckett's breath leaving her body for good, and he remembered the look on her face when she found out he was looking into her mother's case in the first place.

He mentally placed these next to each other, and looked up. Esposito, Ryan, and Gates were all milling around the bullpen. He struggled.

"Castle, what's wrong?" She asked, holding his coffee and placing the sticky note on the side. "What happened?" She looked so concerned that he almost broke right then and there. He wanted to sweep her into a hug and never let her go.

He loved her, that much was incredibly certain. He loved her uncontrollably, painfully, so much that it made him hurt and gave him immeasurable comfort at the same time. All those songs she was talking about made sense, and he was sure that they had to for her too. But how long would they make sense to her if she found out what he was hiding? He couldn't stand speaking a different language to her again, one she did not want to understand. He swallowed, and made his decision.

He stared into her eyes, so long that she wrinkled her nose uncomfortably, and smiled a grim smile. He was walking right to his execution, and possibly even hers too. "Beckett, I need to talk to you about something important, can you come with me?"


	2. Statements

A/N: Thank you guys for your lovely reviews! Here is Chapter Two, as promised.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but this plot and this here laptop.

Chapter Two: Statements.

Everything was changing. Beckett followed Castle into a break room, where he shut and locked the door, drawing the blinds. She felt a thick veil of dread settle over her, and she settled into the chair, nursing her coffee cup. "Castle, what's going on?"

He looked a mess; his hand ran through his hair so many times that the tracks were clearly visible in the brown waves, his eyes were so far away that she feared he did not hear her. His eyes focused on her again and she knew he had heard. "Just...give me a second, okay?" She felt her body grow cold at the blatant fear coloring his handsome features. She shoved it aside and went into detective mode.

"Castle, I have a murder to solve," Beckett stood from her chair, and Castle held up his hand, his eyes closed. "Get to it, or I'm leaving."

"I lied to you," he blurted. She lowered herself into her chair, and kept her eyes trained on Castle, her lips set in a thin line. "So, will you just give me a second, please?" She remained seated and calm, but her heart was in overdrive, galloping at triple its normal speed. Whatever lie he had told, it was a huge one, if he looked this tortured. "The call I got a second ago, it was about you."

Beckett narrowed her eyes. "Why would someone call you about me?" She curled her fingers around her coffee cup. "Who was it?"

"I don't know."

She froze, her hands locked around the cup. "What do you mean you don't know?" She exclaimed angrily. "Someone has been talking to you about me, but you don't know who they are... What do they want?"

He felt the ache in his chest again, knowing he was about to lose her forever. "They want me to keep you from looking into your mother's case." He kept his eyes on hers, and watched them shift, from irritation, to hurt, to confusion, to...nothing. She was cutting him off, and he grappled desperately to get her back. "If I didn't do what they said, you would be dead right now!"

"I was already dead, Castle!" She was on her feet, a fierce hurricane, and he felt himself want to cave. "I was shot, by a sniper, and you kept me away from this?"

Castle reached out for her, but she took two hasty steps back. "I did this to protect you, I didn't have a choice!"

Her voice was low. "You always had a choice, Castle." She was turning away from him now. "You lied to me."

He grabbed her shoulder gently. "I did the only thing I thought I could do. I was trying to protect you, like you protect me all the time. I felt like this was the one thing I could do, even if it was a sacrifice. Beckett, it killed me, every day, knowing that I was lying to you. But it would have killed me even more if you were dead." She wrenched her shoulder out of his grasp.

"So you would rather have me alive and broken instead of dead and at peace," she said quietly.

"I don't want you broken or dead," Castle pleaded. "I want you alive, and I want you at peace. I want to help you with this, which is why I'm telling you now."

But she wasn't listening. "You...you kept me from fixing the one thing that could have led to us..."

"Led to us what?"

Her mask was firmly in place, her eyes expressionless. "Nothing." She picked up her coffee cup, and handed it back to him. "Take your coffee and go home. For real this time."

He felt a sharp pain in his sternum. "Kate..."

But she was immovable. "You told me you knew I could do this alone, but I didn't have to. It seems like you were wrong. Go home, Mr. Castle, and don't come back." She was lost now, tumbling back into the shadows that held her for so long, before he had pulled her out, before his light had saved her. He had nothing left to lose. So he decided to fight.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You can go, or I can make you," she snapped.

He blocked the doorway, and boxed her in. "That threat only works so many times, Kate. I'm not leaving you, and I don't intend to. It's time for us to sit down and actually talk about this, like adults. I am not willing to wait another three months for you to decide to call me." Her eyes shot upward at that, and he saw emotion there again, but it was only fury.

"But you were willing to wait three months to show your face around here again, but that was only after we arrested you!" She put her hands together in front of her waist, wringing them together, tighter and tighter until her knuckles turned white.

He racked his brain, but came up blank. "What are you talking about?"

"The Hamptons? You left for three months with Gina and then you didn't come back until we arrested you, and only because your friend, the sculptor, had been murdered," she was rapidly getting out of control, and she closed her eyes to reel herself in. She could feel his anger increasing, his defense mechanism showing itself in the raised volume of his voice.

"This isn't about the Hamptons!" He was practically shouting at her now.

"Get out, Castle," her voice was quiet, but he knew it was like the calm in the middle of the storm. "Get out, now." It was not a threat, but a warning. He took it as such, noted it, but did not heed.

"No."

"God, Castle, please, get out," she looked like she was deflating, but he could see the anger, things she was going to say that he needed to hear, that she needed to get off her chest building behind the eyes he loved so much. What she was about to say was going to hurt, but it was going to hurt a lot less than never seeing her again.

"No, say what you have to say to me, and then we'll work it out," he crossed his arms over his chest and waited stubbornly. Beckett was absolutely furious, but at the back of her mind, where she was truly impartial, she was impressed with his stubborn attitude.

"You said this has something to do with the Hamptons. What about the Hamptons?"

Her voice was small. "Nothing."

"No! You don't get to chicken out on me now! You were finally telling me how you really felt, and you were finally giving me the truth, and now you want to run away from me again? Not now, Kate. So does this have to do with the Hamptons or not? Because it doesn't, not from my eyes."

"But it IS about the Hamptons, just like it's about you lying to me, and about you throwing yourself in front of a bullet to save my life, when you think it is okay to just say things that you don't mean!"

A ringing silence fell, and Castle had to actually steady himself on the counter that held the espresso machine. Beckett looked worn down, tired, and sad.

"So you did hear me," he said quietly. "You actually heard me," he laughed ironically. "You heard me, and you lied to me. But I'm the one getting the third degree for lying to you?"

"You lied to me about my mother and her case!"

"You don't love me, do you?" His voice was small, quiet, and broken.

She let the silence stretch on as far as she could. "That's not the subject at hand."

He nodded. "That's all I needed to know," he turned to walk away, this time for good. He had decided, the first time he told her 'always,' that he would stand by her no matter how much it hurt, no matter what the capacity. Deep down, though, he always had the feeling that she loved him. She would tell him eventually, and they would finally be happy. He just had to be patient, and when she was ready...but it was never going to happen. Her voice stopped him.

"You lied to me, Castle, but I lied to you too. So do you want the truth or not?"

He should walk away, he knew his dignity was shattered on the floor beneath him, and there was no regaining it, not today. But her voice was shaking, and he knew there were tears in her eyes. He could not deny her. So he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and turned around to the love of his life, if only for the last time.

"I don't know if I want to hear the truth."

She gave him a grim smile. "I don't either," she took the seat she had vacated, and motioned for him to do the same. "But I'm going to listen, and so will you." He took the proffered chair, and she leaned back, holding the coffee cup. "So tell me what you know."

"I know as much as you do," he shrugged. "The man told me to keep you away from your mother's case because if I didn't you would die."

"When did he call you?"

"On your first week back at work after the shooting."

"When else?"

"Just a few more times, but during the case with the Mayor is the one I remember the most," Castle narrowed his eyes, struggling to remember. Beckett put her head in her hands and massaged her temples, like the day was sucking the life out of her. "And just a few minutes ago."

"So what you're saying here, is Josh's death has something to do with my mom's murder."

Castle nodded. "Someone is trying to make a statement. So what is it?"

Beckett leaned forward in thought. "I don't...know..."

Castle watched her think for a few seconds, before clearing his throat. "Your turn."

The alarmed look on her face almost made him retract his question, but he stood his ground. She put one head on her hand, and watched him, not unlike the way she watched him that night in LA, when he was sure they were going to finally kiss, but she ran from him. He wasn't going to let her run anymore.

"I heard you."

He smirked. "I know that. What else."

"That's it," she was uncomfortable now.

"Why did you tell me you hadn't?"

"Because I was afraid that you only said it because I was dying, and that you didn't really mean it. People say stupid things in the face of death, Rick, I wasn't about to hold you to something that was clearly in the heat of the moment. And I didn't want to hurt you."

Biting back the obvious retort of "too late," Castle prodded, "Hurt me how?"

"You deserve someone better than me."

Castle actually laughed. "Better than you? Beckett, those girls don't exist!"

She gave him an icy glare. "Someone who isn't...like me, who isn't wrapped up in a tragedy that happened so long ago. Someone who can really love you." Her tears were waiting on the wings, ready to take flight, but she pinched her leg to keep them at bay.

"Beckett...Kate," he caught her attention with her first name, "Remember what I said a long time ago?"

She laughed through a sob. "Which time?"

He laughed with her. "I said if you don't believe in magic, you'll never find it." He paused. "I also said the heart wants what the heart wants."

She lowered her eyes, a smile on her face.

"So what do you want?" Her smile froze. She paused, even though she knew exactly what she should say, and opened her mouth to speak, when –

A knock came at the door. Esposito poked his head in, looking tentative. "Not that I want to interrupt the screaming match that's going on in here, but you guys looked like you've calmed down enough to tell Gates what happened, and if she doesn't hear from you within an hour, she says," he pulled out his notebook to read a quote Gates told him to say, "She's going to assume that you were kidnapped again and put in a cellar with a tiger, but this time she's not sending your boys to save you." He snapped the notebook closed and gave them a half-hearted smile. "She can be funny when she wants to be."

Beckett laughed, and Castle grinned.

"You guys okay?" He asked, legitimately concerned.

It was Beckett who answered. "We will be."

"So let me get this straight," Gates paced around the back of her desk, her eyes half closed, but her anger at full force. "You have been getting calls from someone threatening Detective Beckett's life if you do not do what they say, and you haven't told anyone...until now."

Castle, looking abashed and slightly ashamed, nodded at his feet.

"This is why you're not a cop," Gates retorted. Beckett opened her mouth to reply, but Gates cut her off. "And don't even think I'm going to let you work this case, Detective, last time, you got shot."

"With all due respect sir, when we took the badge we knew it was a risk. I'm willing to take it," Beckett replied calmly. "And you need us. No one knows this case like we do. And, I'm not working this case without Castle."

Gates turned to her, fire in her eyes. "I was not aware I gave you leave to decide where this investigation is going, Detective. It doesn't work like that."

"I think it does, sir."

Castle turned to Beckett, surprise written all over his face. She gave him a small smile before she turned back to her superior. "I understand that you are trying to follow protocol, and what you are saying will ultimately protect us. However, I am telling you that I have memorized that case file, and so has Castle. This is a unique situation, one that requires creative thinking. Castle has that creative thinking. And he has the ability to keep me from losing myself in this again." She crossed her arms. "No one else can solve this case but us."

"Your confidence astounds me, and yet..." Gates sighed and took a seat behind her desk. "The second either of you steps out of line, and I'm pulling you both off the case, and he's gone for good," she jabbed a finger at Castle. "And you both will have a protective detail on you at all times."

"Understood."

Gates gave Beckett a genuine smile. "Now go catch that killer, Kate."


	3. Goodbye

A/N: I'm writing this just after I wrote Chapter Two, so I hope you guys reviewed, and so...on to Chapter Three! 

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Stana Katic, but alas, people think it's good to want.

Chapter Three: Hellos and Goodbyes

The first step to take was not unfamiliar to Beckett; she made the trip often to see Hal Lockwood. This was the first time, however, that she had a companion. Castle was fidgeting in the passenger seat, his older distraction of his phone forgotten; he was now tugging on his seat belt, the zip zip sound of it grating annoyingly against her nerves.

"Castle!" The belt slapped against his chest, and he clasped his hands in his lap. She fought an involuntary urge to smile, and kept her eyes on the road.

"Sorry," he was still keeping their conversations brief, his eyes averted. They resumed their uncomfortable silence, and Beckett found herself biting her lip to stay quiet. Finally, she couldn't take the silence anymore.

"Castle, when I said we would be okay, I meant it," she said quietly. His head tilted toward her, his face still dripping with disappointment.

"Will we ever get back to normal?" He asked softly. "Will we ever be...the way we were?"

She chuckled, finding none of this funny. "No, Castle, I don't think we will." He looked down at his lap again, where his hands were still wringing themselves together, and once again she felt compelled to break the silence. "I think, after this, we'll be even better."

His head shot up to look at her, his eyes full of hope, and she took her eyes off the road to take in the smile that made her momentarily forget how to breathe. She gave him a smile in return, and slid her hand around his, just for a second.

"We're here," he announced, looking up through the windshield at the prison. "Ugh, do we have to?"

Beckett did not answer him, but stared up at the guard towers of a place that felt like her own special hell with distaste. She hated coming here, talking to Hal, dealing with what those conversations meant. He never gave her any information, just stared at her with the ice blue eyes that watched her in her nightmares. She was a darker person here, all evidence of joy gone from her mind and her face, and she liked having those moments to just revel in the sheer irony of her life. It made her feel like she was more of a person when she was away from here.

She turned in her seat to Castle, who was still staring up at the prison with a frown on his face. She hated what he was about to see. After everything he had dealt with today, she wished she could have just left him at the precinct, and done this on her own. She let the demons take her over here, and she never wanted Castle to see something like that.

But it was too late, and she was about to be too far gone. She closed her eyes and let the grief, fury, and wrath of the entire situation wash over her until she forgot where she was, who she was, and why she was here. When she opened her eyes, she was a different person.

"Let's get this over with," she growled, and Castle turned to her, alarmed.

"We...we can come back tomorrow, if you want," he stammered. She leveled him with a glare and he actually flinched. "Or not..." He watched her stomp her way to the doors, where she flashed her badge. He followed blindly behind her, and did not look up until they were sitting at a small table, and Hal Lockwood was being led toward them, wearing chains.

The glare of this man was enough to make Castle want to wither and curl in on himself, but he sat up a little straighter as Lockwood's eyes focused on his own, a battle of the blues. Ice won, and the ocean looked away first, staring instead at the counter, where he noticed Beckett's hands, clenched tightly into fists. As he watched, they relaxed, and he looked up at her.

She was a different Beckett right now, all sharp edges and narrowed eyes. He looked from Beckett to Lockwood, and found that Beckett was winning this battle of wills.

"Who died this time?" His voice was darker than Castle remembered it, and he started, looking at Beckett with wide eyes.

She showed no surprise on her face. "Who said someone had to be dead for me to visit you, Lockwood?"

His smile was menacing. "Because this isn't your normal day."

"I like to mix things up sometimes," she shrugged.

Lockwood leaned forward. "You see, I think this is too much. Not only is it not your normal day, but you brought your friend," he nodded at Castle, "you look like you've seen the ghost of Christmas past in your breakfast nook, and you haven't been this angry since...well, since you brought me here."

Beckett looked like she wanted to break, reach across the table, and slap Lockwood across the face. "A man named Josh Davidson died last night, but that's not my point. You have been here, so my need to interrogate you about a recent murder is less than none. I want to know why your buddy out there, the one with the marionette strings, thinks a civilian will keep me from finding his ass and killing him."

"Whoa, Beckett," Castle turned to her, but she ignored him. Her eyes were trained on Lockwood, who did not look the least bit surprised. He leaned forward, his cuffed hands on the table, and smirked at the stone faced Beckett.

"When are you going to realize that you will never kill him?" He looked like he wanted to laugh at her. "This man...there is no way you can get that far, you'll be dead before you walk out of this prison."

"Is that a threat, Lockwood?" She spat.

He gave her a very real smile, "No, it's just a fair warning. That way, when it happens, your lover boy over there," he thrust a thumb at Castle, "will have no one to blame but himself."

Castle looked taken aback. Beckett, for once, turned to Castle, and then back to Lockwood.

Lockwood laughed. "Richard Castle, novelist. You've written dozens of books, I'm assuming? So what do you do when a nameless, faceless man tells you that if you don't listen to him, the love of your life will die?" Castle found himself unable to respond. "The answer is, listen to him. But, it seems you were not blessed with an overabundance of brains, because you opened your mouth, and now here you are, offering your lamb to God," he turned back to Beckett, who was practically shaking with anger.

"I have nothing more to say to you, but goodbye."

Beckett looked astonished. "Goodbye?"

"Because this is the last time I will ever see you alive."

Castle huffed an awkward breath, "Well, that was...uncomfortable." He turned to find Beckett, but she wasn't behind him. She was in front of him now, stomping her way back to her car, keys already in her hand. Her face was tight with anger, her brows furrowed. "Beckett, he's just trying to push your buttons."

"You don't understand, Castle," she muttered, plopping down in the driver's seat. He waited, but she offered no elaboration.

"Then why don't you explain it to me?" She shoved the key in the ignition and the car hummed to life. She stared at the dashboard, lost in her thoughts for a few seconds before slamming her fists on it.

Castle let out an exclamation of surprise, and she lowered her forehead onto the wheel. "He's never spoken to me, Castle. Not in any of the meetings we've ever had, where I've stared at him for hours, pushed his buttons, tried to talk it out of him, he's never said a thing to me. And do you think it's some sort of coincidence that he decides to talk to me the day that you're sitting across from him?"

She looked up, and Castle was resting his head on the window, looking dejected. "He knows, and they have something planned."

Beckett put a hand on his arm, and he leaned up to her. "Something like what?"

He shook his head, running his hands through his hair. "I don't know, I don't know what they could do, short of killing either of us."

"What about Ryan and Espo?" Beckett asked, looking strained.

"I don't know..."

She groaned in frustration. "Castle, if this was your book, how would you write it?"

He didn't want to think about it, she could tell. He looked up at her, with sad, stress-filled eyes, silently begging for her to take the question back. She just stared at him, waiting for his answer. "Okay..." he paused, thinking. "If this was my book, and the guy I was counting on to keep you away from the case broke his promise, I would punish him. But I wouldn't kill you, no you're the focus here. If anyone's going to die, it wouldn't be you. No, so first, I would take away something he loved. Something he truly cherished."

Beckett's eyes snapped open. "Alexis."

Castle turned to her. "You don't think..."

A knot had settled at the pit of Beckett's stomach, and she was already dialing her phone. "Espo, get a unit to Castle's loft, and see if Alexis is there." Esposito, obviously sensing the urgency in her voice, gave her the affirmative and hung up immediately.

"I'm calling her," Castle announced unnecessarily, as he pressed speed dial 2 on his phone. The phone rang, rang, and rang, and went to voicemail. "Come on!" he pushed it again, with the same results.

He kept pressing redial, over and over again, never staying on long enough to leave a frantic voicemail. His hands started to shake.

He was rapidly descending into real panic now, and grabbed Beckett's hand without thinking. She squeezed it, staring at her phone, waiting for the call. When a call from the 14th Precinct rang, she answered it before the first ring was over.

"Beckett," she answered. She kept her eyes closed, unable to see Castle's worried face. "Well, then take the door down," she looked up to Castle for confirmation. He nodded quickly, and she laced her fingers with his. She heard the thud of the door falling, and the NYPD spreading across the spacious loft.

Beckett stared into Castle's blue eyes, his panic painted clearly on his handsome features, and knew she must look the same. They stayed that way, in complete, terse silence, waiting. The pressure of his hand on hers was making her fingers numb, and she was returning the pain, and then some.

"Detective?" The sound crackled over the line, and she jumped so violently that she almost dropped her phone.

"Yeah, we're here."

His voice was calm, and Beckett could already hear the sound of a disgruntled Alexis in the background. "Miss Castle is here, she was asleep."

Alexis's voice came over the phone. "Dad? What the heck is going on?"

His voice was weak with relief. "Alexis? Why didn't you answer your phone?"

The sounds of her fumbling for her phone assaulted their ears. "I was asleep, Dad, my phone was on silent. I come in to the precinct in four hours, and I needed the sleep. What's going on? Why are the NYPD at the house?"

He sighed heavily, all the tension leaving his shoulders, and passed the phone to Beckett. "Alexis? It's Kate."

"Kate? What happened to Dad?"

Beckett placed a hand on Castle's face and traced it gently. "He was just worried about you. When you didn't answer the phone, he panicked. Everything is fine, but be extra vigilant, okay?"

"Dad, am I on speaker?"

"Yes, sweetie, you are," Castle said, catching Beckett's hand. "Beckett and I are going to be home in a few minutes, and we're going to explain it to you then, okay? So...don't get too angry with me until you hear us out."

There was a long silence. "Should I give your NYPD fans a cup of coffee while I wait?"

Castle let out a shaky laugh. "No, honey, tell them they can go home now." Alexis hung up the phone and he leaned back against the headrest. "I cannot believe, I think I just gave myself a heart attack." Without thinking, Beckett placed her hands on his chest and felt the wild galloping of his heart.

His eyes dropped to her hands, and slowly worked their way back up, lingering on her chest and neck before settling on her lips. They were both breathing so hard, they couldn't speak. She let out a breathy giggle, relief filling the previously stuffy car. She lowered her face to his shoulder and sighed, letting the moment wash over her, and the stress momentarily melted away. Castle exhaled heavily, half a laugh poised on his lips. Beckett pulled her head off his shoulder, the smell of cherries trailing after her brown curls, and Castle leaned in to follow it. She, noticing his movement, turned toward him. Their noses brushed.

"What are you doing?" She whispered, her eyes on his mouth.

His reply was quiet, almost impossible to hear. "You smell like cherries."

She flashed back to the first time he had said those words to her, and almost laughed. Normally, Castle would have moved away from her by now, realizing that he had entered into her personal space, but he seemed to see something in her eyes, something that told him not to. She saw it mirrored there, in his, and knew this was probably a side effect of the relief he was feeling, of the stress that was overwhelming her, and let herself get incredibly swept up.

She closed the space between their lips, and let the taste of his mouth take her away from everything she was feeling. His hands were in her hair before she realized he had moved, and way too soon, it was over.

"That was not..." he took a breath to steady himself. "That was not how I pictured our first kiss going."

She almost laughed. "You mean frantic and fast and because of a case?"

He wiped some of her lipstick off of his lower lip. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

She ran her fingers through her hair and started driving. "This is exactly how I saw it happening."

Castle turned to her, amused. "And what did you see happening next?" He asked shrewdly. She raised an eyebrow and placed a hand delicately on his thigh.

"Patience, Rick, we need to go talk to your daughter first."


	4. Honesty

A/N: Thank you for the lovely reviews, guys. I added a kind of unorthodox ending to this chapter to add some levity to the dramatic chapters. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

Chapter 4: Honesty

"So this guy is coming after you again?" Alexis, clutching a cup of hot tea, was the obvious adult in charge. Castle and even Beckett looked down at themselves, unsure of what to say or how to react. "Both of you?" Beckett, against her better judgment, glanced up at the teenager. Her blue eyes were fixed on her. Beckett gave her a nod, and Alexis threw up her arms, annoyed. "Because you aren't in enough danger as it is, right? You had to go and poke the sleeping, angry beast with a stick?"

Castle looked up this time, and Beckett hung her head. It was like taking turns at getting whipped. What else could they do but stand there and take it? "Whoa, now, hey, I didn't do this on purpose. I weighed the options and decided this was the best move to make."

Beckett could see the opening before Alexis jumped on it, but no amount of preparation or foresight could take away the sting. "Best for who Dad? You? Me? Beckett?" She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Because it sounds like Detective Beckett is your highest priority now."

That was all she needed to hear. "I should go," she muttered, and moved toward the door.

"Kate," Castle called her back, but she didn't turn around.

"No, Detective Beckett, stay, I'll go," Alexis made a beeline for the door, snatching her purse by a peg in the hall closet, slamming the door behind her.

Castle turned to Beckett, worry all over his face. "Can we have her followed?" He asked. Beckett opened her phone and called in a favor. A cop from the 14th Precinct had lost one too many hands of poker to her, and he was more than willing to only have to keep an eye on a teenage girl.

Beckett collapsed on the couch and covered her eyes with her hands. She felt the couch protest as Castle sat next to her. "She has a future in interrogation, doesn't she?" He asked, trying to put some good-natured fun back into their relationship. She didn't smile.

"I should go," she said again, standing. "For real this time." Castle's hand reached up to stop her, but she was halfway out the door before he managed to say something.

"If you want us to get better, you have to stop running!" She froze, her hand on the doorknob, but didn't turn around. "Please."

"Were you not at the same execution, Castle? Your daughter just accused you of making me your first priority," she let the door fall closed, and dropped her keys by her badge and gun on the floor.

"Yeah, I was," he said seriously. "And I also know that her statement hit you harder than it hit me," she gave him a stern look, and he patted the couch next to him. She took the seat, but kept her arms wrapped around her knees, her eyes forward. "I know she's wrong, and I know she'll calm down, come back, and apologize."

"No you don't," she said quietly, uncomfortable.

His arm slithered around her waist. "Yes, I do," she stiffened, and he regrettably retracted his arm.

"Maybe you should let me handle this alone," she replied. "You have a family to protect."

He turned on the couch toward her, but she did not mirror the movement. "So do you," he protested. "Your father, Ryan, Esposito, those people are my family too!" He placed a hand on her shoulder, and she finally turned toward him. "I know you see us as your family too, that's why what Alexis said upset you. By helping you, I'm protecting them."

"And you have no other reason for doing this?" She stared into his eyes and watched self-doubt fill them. "Be honest," she urged, "I will not fault you for your honesty." He stared at her, eyes brimming with hope and a kind of fear. He placed both hands on either side of her face, forcing her to turn completely toward him, their knees pressed tightly together. She felt her heart kick roughly against her rips, and her eyes moved, as usual, to his mouth.

"You said you wouldn't fault me," he said softly. Her eyes flickered up to his eyes, but his eyes were on her mouth. She knew it would lead to this. But –

"You would be deluding yourself if you thought this would make me yours," she whispered. "What I told you on that swing set still stands."

He nodded, but kept his hands where they were. "But tell me this. Would this moment, right here, make you feel any better?" She hesitated, and he threw her own phrase back at her. "Be honest."

She didn't have to say a word. The look in her eyes was enough for Castle. He leaned forward, kissing her slowly and tentatively. She let her hands come to life and pulled him closer by grabbing the front of his shirt. He tumbled forward, landing on top of her, her legs trapped beneath them.

He pulled away long enough for her to lie properly on the couch before pouncing on her again, this time focusing on her throat. She arched her back, her hands trailing down to his belt. He groaned into her neck and she returned the sound when his hands met her bare skin. She pulled him back up to her mouth and sank her teeth into his bottom lip.

Her shirt was off and over her head before she could change her mind, and all she could think was this is happening, this is not a dream, and then he was pulling away, looking like he just realized what was happening.

"What?" She asked. "What happened?"

He looked a wreck, his hair was disheveled, his eyes bleary, his shirt wrinkled. Beckett was reminded of him pulling her into the break room to tell her he had lied to her. Her stomach clenched nervously. "I can't do this," he breathed.

Immediately, Beckett shoved herself away from him, pulling on her shirt and running a hand through her hair. She felt embarrassed tears fill her eyes until Castle wrapped his arm around her torso and pulled her back to him.

"I'm not saying I don't want to," he said in her ear. She shivered, and let her head fall onto his shoulder. "Trust me, I want to," his voice dipped low, and Beckett let her eyes slip closed. "But I don't want the first time I make love to you to be rushed, on a couch, where it might not mean the same thing to you as it does to me."

Her head left his shoulder, and she was staring at her lap again, her guard up.

"What are you thinking?" He asked gently, leaning back to take in her full appearance. When she didn't answer, he nudged her gently with his elbow. "Come on, Kate."

She shook her head, her lips pressed together. He coaxed her, poking and prodding, until she finally got exasperated. "Stop it, Castle!"

"Then tell me!" he looked so boyish and cute that Beckett almost caved. She kept her face stoic, letting no clues through that just a small amount of his begging was enough to make her comply.

A loud buzzing sound came from her hip, and she fished out her phone. "Hey, Ryan, what's up?"

Kevin Ryan's voice came loud and clear over the phone. "Oh, you know, I thought I'd call, ask how everybody was, if Little Castle was found or missing..." his voice was dripping with thinly veiled sarcasm.

Beckett slapped her hand to her forehead. "I'm so sorry, Ryan! Alexis is fine. She spent a while working us over for waking her up."

"Alexis is worried about you guys too, huh?" Ryan replied knowingly, and Beckett smiled affectionately at the implications of his sentence.

"Yeah, she is. I'm sorry you guys have to deal with this," she said, and felt Castle take her hand. 'You shouldn't have to."

The answer was instantaneous. "All in the line of duty, boss. Besides, if we didn't, you would have your back? Castle?" His nasally chuckle made Beckett laugh and Castle looked offended.

"I'm helpful!" he whined. "At least I make better coffee than Esposito," Beckett squeezed his hand with a smile.

"Where is Espo, anyway?" Beckett asked. "Normally he makes the calls."

"So I'm not good enough for you now?" Ryan asked, chuckling. "He went down to records a while back to make sure we got everything from the Johanna, Lockwood, and Montgomery cases." He paused. "But that was a while back."

Silence settled over them. "Ryan?" Beckett asked. "We're coming over right now. Don't go down there until we get there, okay?"

"Affirmative."

"Don't even call his phone," Castle added. Beckett hung up the phone and leaped up from the couch, racing to the door, where she put her gun on her belt, her badge around her neck, and grabbed her keys. Castle was slipping on his jacket when she turned around.

"It would've meant the world to me," she said simply. Castle paused, looking confused. "You coming or what?" Beckett asked, halfway out the door. He followed, and it wasn't until they were in the car that he realized what she had said. He leaned over, gave her a brief kiss on the cheek, and buckled himself in.

"Let's get moving, Detective," he replied. Beckett gave him a tight smile and floored it.

"Ryan!" Beckett came tearing into the bullpen, Castle on her heels. "Any word?" Ryan shook his head once, and they turned around to the elevator and pushed the button for the basement.

At the obnoxiously loud 'ding,' Beckett and Ryan drew their weapons, their eyes trained to detect anything out of place. Castle kept himself half-behind Beckett, enough to keep himself from being a direct target, but not obscured enough to be a useless pair of eyes.

Beckett knew the aisle of her mother's case like it called to her. She turned the corner, gun raised. The aisle was empty. She heard Castle let out a sigh of relief, and suppressed one of her own. She moved down the next aisle, following Ryan, and again found nothing. In the last aisle, there were a pair of familiar booted feet just barely in view.

Ryan, disregarding all protocol, lowered his weapon and dropped to his knees, feeling for a pulse. He exhaled heavily, and gave them a thumbs-up. Beckett leaned against the wall, covering her face, discreetly wiping a tear away. Castle, seeing her movement, averted his gaze.

"Guys," he said suddenly. "Where are the files?" Beckett glanced quickly around, seeing nothing. She pulled open a few boxes, and, getting progressively more frantic, started dumping them on the ground. Castle picked up her mess behind her, trying to keep the records intact. Esposito stirred.

"Mmm...wuz goin' on?" he asked groggily. "What's up boss?" He asked, seeing Beckett's face. "Ugh," his hand went to the knot at the back of his head.

"What was that?" Castle, ever-observant, asked, pointing at the small paper fluttering to the ground. Beckett scooped it up, her eyes running over the one line of text. She felt Castle move next to her, and passed it off to him.

"Espo, did you move the files?" She asked. Ryan glanced over the mess on the floor.

"It's not here," he said.

"I didn't move it," Espo added, trying to stand.

Castle's voice was low, dangerous. "They took them. They took them all."

"What does the note say?" Espo asked. Beckett held out her hand to Castle, who passed it to her, who passed it to Espo.

_Next time, you won't find a body._

Espo looked up, his face pale. It was one thing to be attacked. It was another to be threatened by a face-less entity who had killed multiple people, and had almost succeeded in killing his boss. "So...we're telling Gates?"

Beckett nodded. "We're telling Gates."

The amount of high-stress conflict Beckett had encountered in the day was slowly tearing her nerves to frayed edges. Standing in the waves of Gates's fury, she felt her defenses falling. She was battered raw.

Gates's voice dropped in volume. "You mean to tell me that your former Captain was involved with all this mess, and you never saw fit to tell anyone?" She was absolutely seething with anger.

No one answered her.

"And one of your team had to be attacked before you decided to come to me?"

"Can I just say something?"

Beckett's head snapped around to Castle, whose eyes never strayed from Gates. "No one spoke up because we didn't want to tarnish Montgomery's memory. He died to protect Kate; that should count for something."

"And he broke the law, Castle. I know that doesn't mean much to you, but it means something to me," Gates snapped. Castle stepped back, chagrined. "However," she added. "I can appreciate his sacrifice. This detail will remain a secret."

"Thank you, sir," Beckett breathed.

"Also, I have good news," Castle cut in. Beckett felt the atmosphere change, and turned to him. He was smiling at her. "I happen to have copies of those missing reports," he said. "All but Montgomery's. He sent them to me," he added, seeing Beckett's confused face.

Gates slumped into her seat. "Get them, and make more copies. We can't be too careful." Esposito and Ryan, recognizing their cue to go, turned to leave.

"Sir?" Beckett asked. "Permission to call in a favor?"

Gates surveyed her face, and must have seen something she liked, because she nodded. "Granted."

"So who is it?" Castle asked.

"A surprise," Beckett sing-songed. "You'll see," she grabbed her coat from her chair. "I'm going home, I need a bath."

Castle paused, and Beckett gave him a coy smile. "You could stay with me," he suggested. "Actually," he raised his voice. "How about you guys stay with me too?" Esposito and Ryan turned to him, eyebrows raised.

"'Scuse me?" Espo asked.

"Saving resources. All of the tails in one place? Then you only need half the cops. Alexis and Martha are going to visit Meredith, so there's plenty of room," he turned to Beckett, eyes pleading.

"Alexis and Martha in California?" She asked quietly.

"Mother suggested it. It'll be good for them, and they'll be safe. Come on," he nudged her with his arm. "It'll help with your state of mind. Everyone you're going to worry about in one place."

"So it, boss," Espo added. "You need it."

She closed her eyes and exhaled. "Deal," she felt Castle squeeze her arm, and grabbed her keys. "Let me grab my stuff from my place and we'll meet you guys there?"

Ryan grabbed his jacket. "I'll get the Chinese!" Beckett laughed.

"So, detective," Castle smirked. "Are you ready for poker night with Chinese food? This will be very relaxing for you, I'm sure."

Beckett gave him an uneasy smile. "I'm sure it will."

After a long, steamy shower, Beckett came downstairs to Ryan, Esposito, and Castle, all huddled around the poker table. "Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" She asked, flipping her wet hair to the other shoulder.

Castle glanced up and, unprepared for what he found, stopped short. Beckett was wearing an oversize t-shirt, her father's, and a pair of shorts, hidden beneath the shirt. Her hair was handing in wet tendrils over her shoulder, and her face was completely devoid of makeup.

"We're gonna play strip poker," Ryan announced. Beckett raised her eyebrows.

Castle chuckled. "You do realize that there is only one woman here, right? And you are married, and," she turned to Esposito, "you have Lanie. So...what's the point of removing clothes?"

Ryan's eyes flickered only momentarily to Castle, and she had her answer. But Esposito didn't let her take it.

"So what about Castle? You gave me and Ryan reasons to keep our clothes on, but not Castle?" His eyes were shrewd, and Beckett felt her cheeks flush red.

Castle watched her closely. "So, are we going to play or what?" he asked loudly. Beckett gave him a grateful smile and took the seat across from him. He dealt the hands and gave her a smirk over his set of five. The games had begun.

Esposito lost the first hand, and lost his shirt. Castle lost the next one, and lost his socks. Next came Ryan and his vest, and then Castle and his tie.

"Are you serious?" Castle yelped as Beckett laid down a royal flush. "You haven't lost a hand yet!"

Ryan unbuttoned his shirt.

"It looks like we are the only ones who have any sort of luck here," Beckett smiled at Castle, whose hands shook as he dealt a new hand. Beckett put her head in her hands as Castle laid down a straight.

"Off with it, Beckett," Espo crowed, laughing. Ryan had his phone pointing discreetly at Castle, video-taping his reaction. Beckett, without looking at Castle, peeled off her oversize shirt and let it flutter to the floor, revealing a plum colored lace bra and a toned stomach. Even with all that, the only thing that kept Castle's attention was the scar she had, nestled between her breasts. He couldn't take his eyes off of it, and only did so when her hand self-consciously covered it. His eyes slid up to hers and he gave her a half-smile. She lowered her hand and reached for her cards, keeping her eyes on his. Their earlier make out session, on his couch, had been too feverish and frantic for him to see the scar much at all. Now, it was all he could think about, save other thoughts that he wanted to keep pushed away so he wouldn't lose every single hand of poker.

As the night wore on, Ryan got a call from Jenny in Flushing, and left the table to talk to his wife. Esposito only played one more hand before he realized he was only down to his boxers. He gave Castle and Beckett a smirk, gathered his clothes, and retreated to the guest room before Ryan could claim it.

"I guess that leaves us," Castle noted unnecessarily. Beckett covered up her smirk with her cards.

"I guess that leaves us," she repeated. "One more hand?"

He dealt the cards, and watched her face for a tell. When she had a good hand, she would glance at the cards, and then focus on his face. She spared a few second glance at the cards, and her green eyes settled on his blue ones. She raised an eyebrow.

He was screwed. He laid down his hand, three tens. She let a small smile grace her face, and put her cards on the table, face down.

"What?" He asked impatiently. "Whhaaattt?"

She smiled and stood. "I think I'll go to bed," she sauntered by him, letting her hand trail over his bare chest on her way out. As he turned around to make her stop, he caught her unhooking her bra from behind her back. She deftly slid her arms out of the straps and let the plum colored lingerie hang from one finger as she walked away.

The sight of her bare back, wet tendrils of golden hair tickling the skin, would haunt his dreams.

"Good night, Castle!" she called back, a laugh in her voice.

"Until tomorrow, Kate," he replied.


End file.
